Dolphins have 14 foot penises

So my dear friend Chris responded to my last blog post about Giant squid with an article on CBS.com concerning "giant squid" off the coast of San Francisco. I would just like to acknowledge that the "giant" squid talked about in article aren't the official, evil, elusive giant squid that make me go all weak in the knees. The author of this article is playing fast and loose with the term"giant squid." The measly creatures in this article grow to only about 8 feet long. Although they do attack people, which I greatly admire, the true giant squid have tentacles that grow to be at least sixty feet long. Stop. Pause. Look around the room. Imagine what sixty feet of squid would look like. Okay?!?! Okay.

I would also like to admit that, in the great Williams tradition, I greatly exaggerated the diameter of the giant squid's eye. They are, in fact, not eight feet across, but truly 12 inches. I didn't mean to misremember. Why, just the other day I claimed to one of my friends that dolphins have 14 foot penises. And I really believed it when I said it. I think I read it somewhere...