Monday, December 15, 2008

Work Makes Life Sweet

One thing, among many, many others I have learned this semester:

If you work really really hard all day writing, things become beautiful: the writing on the back of a menu, the gray ordinary cloud, the way the ceiling intersects with the wall.

"Work makes life sweet" That's what bell hooks's grandma said.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Poor California Boys

Today I was sitting in a coffee shop working on my papers and this guy comes in in shorts, a trench coat and sunglasses with white rims. He kept whistling and shaking his leg while he was sitting at the table. After reading for five minutes, he tells the guy behind the counter, "Richard. I always forget what 'ontological' means. Do you know?"

Sunday, December 07, 2008

One eyed Ulysses

Consider these photos:

I got them from this webpage:, which sells eyepatches "for medical and cosmetic reasons." Eye patches are sexy. They're like one-eyed sunglasses. I love the peek-a-boo mystery, we know that there may be something, er, "unsightly" under the patch, yet it's covered by this lovely debonair opaque monocle. You get part of the "I'm blind and therefore wise" on one side and full ocular action on the other. It's like a headband with a flap. I love them. I want one. I highly encourage you to check out this webpage's gallery of eyepatch-wearers throughout history. He's my favorite:

I spent my last $10 on fake glasses in 1998 when I lived at BYU:

And my coworkers at Barnes and Noble made fun of me when they found out. How did they know? I wouldn't let them try them on.

Maybe I could rock an eyepatch for "cosmetic" purposes, as the website says. I think that I might make people worry though; I'd have to explain it all the time (the most annoying thing about my lip piercing: "did that hurt?"). I could only wear the patch around people I didn't know, like when I went grocery shopping. Or on the bus.

One time my friend's Dad almost lost his eye. She went to visit him in the hospital, and when she was in the parking lot she looked down and saw an eye patch someone had crafted with a fake eyelash glued to it. She took it as a good sign (her Dad did not lose his eye). What was the most bizarre thing about this story is that a few years before that, when I went to visit my grandfather in the hospital on the other side of the country, I went to get into my car and on the cement there was a purple velvet eyepatch with a fake eyelash glued to it.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

When in Rome, ignore the locals and do as you damn well please

Does anybody else hear the idiom "When in Rome do as the Romans do" like EVERY SINGLE fucking DAY? Sometimes from your own mouth?

Seriously. Is it that true? I wish we'd start saying "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" more often. Or "little pitchers have big ears." Or "You always kill the one you love." Really people!

P.S. They even say the Rome idiom in Korea and Japan.